For you, From me.

Earlier tonight I had a normal IMB post almost ready to go that was everything you expected an IMB post to be. It had some new-ish music, an over-exaggerated summary of my weekend, and some stupid advice that would've left you questioning your sanity for sitting through the entire thing.

I'm just not in that kind of mood anymore.

I mean, I'm not in a bad mood at all. I'd say I'm actually doing well right now. Listening to live Dave (weird, I know), and chewing citrus gum. Somehow, it just feels perfect.

To be honest, I'm afraid to start writing, for two reasons: a) I have no idea what I want to say. I want to leave you with something that will leave you thinking. Something that you will either love or hate. And b) I can't take a late night right now, but I've already crossed my '10:30 late night threshold', so I guess this can happen.

I don't think many people read this anymore so I think it's okay to write this. The blog is just an outlet for me tonight so I apologize if this is uninteresting to you and I don't blame you for getting off this page as quickly as you can.

This isn't meant to hurt anyone.

I've put up with a lot more than I thought I could the past year. I can honestly say I've never been hurt so badly by so many people, and contrarily I've never felt so loved by so many others. I have so much hope in my future right now. Partly because I hate the present, but mostly because I've put all of myself into the future. I've gotten so much crap from a lot of people lately because I live too much for the future and not enough for the present. Well, here's my stance on things: I don't have anything right now. My life is currently on pause, just waiting for one more long month. I've shut down for now, and I'm quite okay with that. I can choose the people I want in my life and I've done so a lot recently.

I think me moving away for a year has really connected a lot of dots for me. It's shown me who really cares about me and who my friends really were. I'll admit, I thought I had a lot more real friends. I don't blame you for not being there for me, and quite frankly, I'm not too upset by it. I'm mostly glad you didn't bullshit me through a friendship that you didn't mean. Thanks for not doing that. If you feel your ears burning right now, if you're getting that feeling in your stomach, yeah, I'm talking to you. Thank you.

It's not that I hate everyone who let go of the friendship we had when I left. It just made me realize that I obviously didn't need you in my life. It's not like I don't want you there, you just weren't a necessity, and neither was I.

On a better note, I'm glad to know who actually cares about me. I doubt any of you read the blog, but Brent, Kait, Connor, Josh (okay, you might read the blog once in a while), Ali, Dad and Jake, thanks for being there. God knows where I'd be without all you guys. I mean it. I couldn't have made it this far without you.

I've made some good friends at Oak Hill and that's something I don't regret doing at all. Me leaving has nothing to do with you guys at all. You guys really know how to treat the new kid. I loved school there. I know I never got close with anyone. Yes, there was a point to that. I didn't want to get attached and have to leave again because that would've made everything harder. You're most likely not upset, and I hope you understand.

I don't think this really satisfies what I originally meant for this post to be, but it was a good release for me and that's what this is for, isn't it? If you made it this far, thanks for listening. Text me sometime. I'd like it a lot. I mean it. Or maybe even call me if you're up for it. That'd be awesome. Chances are I miss you anyway.

Now Playing: Mid-American - Fake Homes